Tag Archives: poem

Untethered

Sometimes, the fear is overwhelming. Jumping into the world, untethered, reaching for something I’ve wanted for so long. The terrifying brink has kept me away. Confidence used to reign with my name, but I’ve become lost to the impropriety. Sadness has muddied the mind, making a murky smile seem cold, distant.

It’s not the wish I had wished for. To feel a sense of burden to those I care for, those I love, those I would do anything for. Their vision of me – Have I Changed?

Thoughts meander in and around every waking moment, casting a shadow of doubt over every action, every step. The scorched earth beneath my feet does not resemble the world I know, but the path I’ve been lingering on so long that now my only option is to outrun the flames.

Gasping for air, unaware if this aching feeling is from the exhaustion of the chase or smothering smoke from my surroundings. Concentration wanes with each motion, a step, a wave, a blink of my eye. Fear, sadness, it leads a tragic tale, lingering beyond what must be eternity. Sunlight creeps through the fog every passing day, with beautiful laughter and loving faces bouncing off each ray of light. Like strings on the air, tying fragmented feelings together, keeping me whole.

Everlasting love pushes me forward. Taking that leap is frightening, but the scared, timid voice looks for strength in the unknown. Bonds of friendship hold my hands, serving as a lantern in the darkness, a whisper in the silence, courage when grit has stripped away. Despair knows not of those surrounding me as I face the chasm.

Vines rise from the soil, coiling around shoes firmly planted, vivid dreams seen in the distance. Unable to escape, those close bonds let go of my hands, breaking those things that pull my legs into the mire. As the grip loosens, what once was a gaping pit ahead now rests a teetering bridge. An idea forms, as fresh air fills my lungs and mindfulness resumes, an idea grows. This twisted, loosely woven path ahead, has it been here the entire time? Has senses been dulled into loathsomeness?

Stepping forward will break the binds, despite the tension, the anguish, the residual remorse from not doing so sooner. Love will help heal what time cannot, as trust wears no watch and betrayal gets paid by the hour. Kindness soothes the soul. Friendship fills the heart. Love secures the mind.

A journey into the unknown does not mean a directionless path. The unknown only means you get to choose what route to take, what bridge to cross, what stars to follow. And then.

 

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Calling for a Swan When There Isn’t a Song to Sing

I’m left,

Alone without a stage or a path,

My direction is unknown,

And the surrounding darkness is impenetrable to see through,

To see beyond a moment that’s better than where I stand right now.

Trudging the murkiness,

Others burst forward and never a glance,

Never a motion, a hand to pull me along,

The emptiness surrounds every step,

Sand pours over my head,

Disrupting what view I have and weighing down my thoughts,

While ankles drag mud,

Deeper and deeper until my knees must hurdle each passing step.

Left to scream,

Without a voice to be heard,

As every wandering ear listens to the drums of their own gasp,

Big, bold breaths consume the air,

Becoming foul and hot to the touch,

Unable to feign a smile,

The stench brings me to tears.

Clouds form in my mind,

Taking away any sense of who I am,

A person,

A husband,

A father,

Acrimonious murmurs spoil the drudgery,

As their whispers dredge into my skin,

Heart tearing,

soul leaking,

head numb to the constant yammering,

ignoring an existence entrenched within their own.

Left,

Alone and quiet on the outside,

Brain screaming inside,

Grasping to be listened to,

Realizing no one cares to know,

My thoughts,

My dreams,

My intentions to care for those I love,

And those precious few speak to me,

Awakening my spirit,

Memories swirling around reminding me of happiness,

Its possibility isn’t foreign or impossible,

It’s only covered by spiteful ambitions and uncherished feelings.

Life,

Endearing and enduring.

It is the ultimate reality,

Breaking through the unrelenting fog of despair,

Reaching for a familiar hand,

A face,

A smile brilliantly beaming,

Curing the ails and enforcing the everlasting support that comes with being in love,

And loved.